I’ve always dreamed of a garden like the one my grandparents had when I was a child – where the tomatoes were neighbors with the cucumbers and carrots, and the squash trailed over the potatoes. A few stalks of corn raced the pole beans to the sun. A secluded section with strawberries, blueberries, and scuppernong grapes was dotted with various herbs of nearly every flavor.
I loved spending time in the garden with my grandfather. He taught me so many life lessons, like how to pick up a garden snake correctly, and why I couldn’t keep it as a pet. If memory serves me correctly, I named him Harold and often worried about him whenever it rained.
Springtime in the garden was a favorite. I helped till the land, excited to help plop the little seeds and seedlings into their new homes. Then, I would check nearly every day to see if there were any changes.
“A watched pot never boils,” my grandmother would say.
“It will eventually, if the stove is on,” was always my reply.
I was excited to watch the little seeds become plants that produced the food that ended up on our plates – the original farm-to-table experience. It was so incredibly satisfying.
Sheila Tucker, a licensed marriage and family therapist, supervision candidate, and owner of Heart Mind & Soul Counseling.
If you live by the seasons, springtime is when you plant the seeds of intention, make choices, and take inspired action. When you start new projects. Draw clear boundaries. It’s the time you spring forward energetically and hourly (yay for longer daylight hours!).
It makes sense. Right?
The weather is becoming warmer. Your body is buzzing and restless with spring fever. You’re ready to DO something.
But, before you dive headfirst into a new project or sign yourself up for something, please pause. Then, consider whether this idea is the best use of your energy. Do you have the time to put into it? Do you even want to do it, or did it sound fun, or even too complicated to say no to?
This is something I consider every spring when I fantasize about growing a garden. I can see it in my mind. It pulls me back to my carefree childhood playing in the dirt, strawberry juice running down my chin, Harold reluctantly riding in my pocket, and soaking up my grandfather’s wisdom.
However, given my time and energy, my garden realistically looks more like a few potted veggies and herbs. There’s an ease in my body with the compromise, something I can lean into.
What about you? Do you slow down long enough to explore if the decision before you is a “yes” or a “no”?
I discussed this exact concept with the Sea Pines women’s group earlier this year. Slowing down to understand what you want, your “yes” or “no,” is critical before you take action or when setting a boundary. But first, a caveat.
Understanding your “yeses” and “nos” will not solve all your problems. Actually, it could create a few wrinkles if you say “no.” There will be experiences you have to say “yes” to that you clearly don’t want to do. Cleaning bathrooms, grocery shopping, or going to your partner’s office Christmas party, to name a few. Admittedly, learning your “yeses” and “nos” is simple, but not easy.
The point is, this isn’t a magic wand moment or a quick fix.
If you care to play along, here’s one way you can learn to capture your “yeses” and “nos.”
Bring to mind a food that you absolutely love.
Now, I invite you to imagine taking a bite. As you raise your hand to your mouth, consider.
• What are you thinking in this moment?
• What’s your body doing?
• What’s the expression on your face?
• Are you leaning in toward this food or away from it?
Great! Isn’t research fun?
Now, think of a food you don’t like. Something you will absolutely not eat.
As you’re imagining this food laid out before you, consider the same questions.
• What are you thinking in this moment?
• What’s your body doing?
• What’s the expression on your face?
• Are you leaning in toward this food or away from it?
What did you notice?
Here are my answers:
When I imagined eating a yummy food:
My thought was, “This is going to be so good.”
My body was doing a food dance, wiggling back and forth.
I had a slight upturn of my lips – more than the Mona Lisa, less than a full-on grin.
I was definitely leaning toward it.
When I imagined a food I don’t like:
My thought was, “Nope.”
My jaw was tense, and my nose was pinched as if I were trying not to smell it. I also put my hand up as if to say “Stop.” And I was cringing.
The look on my face was as if I’d just smelled something incredibly foul.
I was most certainly pushing away.
You might be thinking, “This is great and all, but how do I actually apply this to real life?” You know, if you’re cornered by the PTA mom, the HOA president, or a friend begging you to stay just a little bit longer.
At that very moment, check in with yourself. Are you leaning in or leaning out? Are you forcing a smile, or is it genuine? Noticing your immediate response will help you gauge whether you answer “yes” or “no.” Also, keep in mind other factors, like whether you have the time or energy.
As you move into the energy of spring, I invite you to become more mindful, connected to yourself, and familiar with what you want and need.
Learning your “yeses” and “nos” is a practice of noticing. Think of it as planting seeds in the garden of your mind, producing what you can harvest year-round – sans a garden snake named Harold, but with oh, so much wisdom.
