When life gives you lemons … (say it with me) “you make lemonade.” We all know how the saying goes.
But what if you don’t like lemonade? What if it’s too sour or too sweet? Or maybe your stomach hurts because you’ve had way too much lemonade, and you don’t even want to look at a freaking lemon.
No more lemons, please. I’ve had enough.
If only it were that easy and simple – taking something naturally sour, reconfiguring it, and creating something more palatable. Easy peasy.
But what happens when there’s a ubiquitous feeling of heaviness – loss, uncertainty, and unknowns? Trudging through muck and pluff mud to make it from point A to point B. A collective blanket of concern and heaviness that covers your space.
For some, there’s a definitive outward reason – grief, for instance. For others, there’s a deep, indescribable weariness that something is just “off” – an internal feeling of unease, chaos, and instability.
It can be a test of the heart, mind, and soul.
Society teaches us to go through the day with a smile, pretending everything is OK. Maybe you were even taught to quiet those moments, “suck it up, buttercup,” or to “just get over it” as if there’s a universal pre-determined time limit on feeling bad. There is not.
It’s OK to not feel OK.
It’s OK to feel the heaviness of life.
As for dwelling in that place, that’s where you have an opportunity to try something different.
Mr. Rogers tells us, “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’”
Her wisdom lives on. You, my friend, are not an island. You’re not meant to do this alone – to singularly hold all your grief, hopelessness, or sadness. Being held in the presence of others helps lighten the weight, reminding us that healing is not meant to be done in isolation.
If you’re feeling the heaviness of life, here are a few ways to engage with your experience. Think of this as a recipe for lemonade.
• Look for the glimmers. When your world is turned upside down, look for the glimmers. These are the tiniest of happenings that cause you to pause and bring about a moment of calm, joy, or presence. It could be anything from being greeted with all green lights in traffic to remembering where you put your keys.
• Practice self-compassion. That’s right, we’re here again. In case you missed it, I wrote an article on self-compassion. You can find it in the February 2025 issue of CH2/CB2. In short, self-compassion is non-judgmentally acting in self-kindness. Here’s one of my favorite gestures: Place your hand on your heart and say to yourself or aloud, “I am loved.”
• Establish healthy rituals. Take care of yourself. Get outside. Attend one of our many festivals or listen to live music. Snuggle with pets and loved ones. Grab lunch or plan a phone call with a friend. Make sure you breathe. It sounds silly, I know. However, in times of stress, we’re all more likely to hold our breath or take shallow breaths. Check in. Take a couple of intentional and purposeful breaths.
• Embrace (a.k.a. accept) your entire experience, not just the “good” parts of it. Sometimes, life is what it is – a mixed bag of emotions. It’s messy, predictably unpredictable, and filled with moments of awe, joy, and numbness. Acceptance isn’t donning your rose-colored glasses while painting life with strokes of unicorns and rainbows and, occasionally, throwing sprinkles and glitter over a heaping pile of dog poo and calling it OK. It’s just not. Acceptance is understanding what you can and cannot change – not in a defeatist way, but in a way that empowers you to seek out the helpers and change what you can. Turn lemons into lemonade – or not. The choice is yours.
• Control or change what you can. Fear robs you of your peace of mind, throwing you into a worst-case scenario future. I once heard a therapist refer to this as “fearcasting.” Oh, how that fits. What’s one thing you can do right now? Here are a few examples: Donate to an organization that supports or raises awareness for your experience. Be kind to someone. Then, be kind to yourself.
• Consider therapy. If you’re unable to cope, seek professional help. Therapists and therapeutic support groups can help you lighten the heaviness and maybe even help you craft a palatable lemonade or be neutral about the whole lemon thing.
In the meantime, when you find yourself dodging lemons, I want you to remember two things. First, remember that 100% of the time, you’ve made it through heavy or difficult times. Think about that: 100%. That’s an A-plus! You’re acing the class of heavy times and lemons. Soak that in for a minute.
Second, you get to choose what you want to do with your lemons. You’ll find me baking lemon bars to go with my green tea.
