It’s that time of year again. You know – the one where you have to wait 30 minutes to use the treadmill or leg press. Yep, it’s resolution time. The gym is packed, organic veggies are sold out, and there’s a resurgence of Stanley tumblers because you’ve got to increase your hydration.
You go strong in the beginning, pumped and ready for change. Then slowly, you begin to sleep in or make deals with yourself. “I’ll skip today, but I’ll get back on track tomorrow.”
You and I both know that pattern will likely begin to wear itself out. The slide has been greased, and there’s no amount of gripping at the edges that will prevent you from slipping and sliding to the bottom.
Every year, you excitedly tell yourself, “It will be different this time.” Then you find yourself uttering the phrase, “Maybe next year.”
It’s easy to assume the problem is a lack of willpower. “If I were more disciplined, I’d stick with it,” you might tell yourself. But often, the issue isn’t your discipline. It’s your alignment.
You’re far more likely to follow through on your New Year’s resolutions when they grow out of your core values rather than out of guilt, comparison, or “shoulds.” When your goals reflect what truly matters to you, they stop feeling like another check mark on your to-do list and start feeling more like a choice.
Values are a tricky concept. Most people know what they are, but don’t really know what they are. Let me help.
According to Brené Brown, values are “a way of being or believing that we hold most important.” She defines values as principles that guide your actions and decisions. In short, values define how you show up in the world. They’re the qualities and experiences that make life feel meaningful, such as:
• Connection
• Freedom
• Growth
• Creativity
• Health
• Adventure
• Stability
Another way to think of values is as the “why” behind your actions. Or, if your life were a compass, your values would be the north star that helps you choose your direction.
For clarity, values differ from goals. A goal is something you can check off: “Run a 5K” or “Save $1,000.” A value is ongoing: “Be responsible with money” or “Keep learning.”
Goals can be completed. Values are lived, moment by moment, through the choices you make.
Why have your values match your resolutions?
Resolutions that don’t match your values usually come from outside pressure: “I should lose weight.” “I should make more money.” “I should be more productive.” (You can read more on my thoughts about productivity in the November 2025 issue of CH2/CB2)
“Should”ing all over yourself usually leads to resistance, dread, a sense of pushing against yourself, or all of the above.
Meanwhile, when your resolutions are rooted in your values, you’re setting yourself up for greater success. You might even notice:
• Your motivation feels steadier.
Instead of forcing yourself to go to the gym because you “have to,” you remember you’re honoring your value of health or energy. The workout becomes an act of support for your future self, not punishment for your current one. (By the way, ouch, that’s not nice.)
• Setbacks don’t derail you as easily.
If your resolution is aligned with your value of growth, missing a day or two doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It simply becomes feedback, and you start again because your value is still important to you.
• The entire process is more meaningful.
Achieving a goal that isn’t tied to your values can feel surprisingly unsatisfying and empty. When your goals arise from what matters most, the process and the outcome both feel more fulfilling.
Think of it this way: resolutions are the “what.” Values are the “why.” Without a clear “why,” the “what” doesn’t have enough fuel.
How to discover your values
If you’ve never named your values, you’re not alone. I’ll be the first to tell you, when given a long list of possibilities, I want to choose them all. Narrowing it down to two or three becomes almost impossible. Instead of giving you that list, here are a few exercises to guide you. Oh, and it should be noted, there are no wrong answers.
Think of times in your life when you felt deeply alive, proud, or at peace. Maybe it was:
• A quiet walk with a loved one
• Completing a challenging project
• Traveling somewhere new
• Helping someone through a hard time
Ask yourself: What made that moment meaningful?
You might find values like connection, achievement, adventure, service, or beauty hiding in those memories.
Pay attention to what hurts.
It may seem counterintuitive, but your values also surface when you feel most frustrated, angry, or disappointed.
If you feel outraged by unfairness, you may value justice or equality.
If you find small talk boring, you may value depth and intimacy.
If you feel trapped in rigid routines, you may value freedom or spontaneity.
Pain often points to a value that feels ignored or violated.
Try the “perfect day” exercise.
Imagine a day when you feel content and aligned. It doesn’t have to be glamorous. Walk through it from morning to night.
How do you spend your time?
Who are you with?
What are you doing for work, rest, or fun?
Look for themes: Do you see simplicity, connection, creativity, contribution, learning, or play?
Those themes are clues to your values.
Now choose your top five.
From everything you’ve noticed, make a list of words that resonate. Then gently narrow it down to three to five core values. Pay attention to any words you mentioned more than once.
Don’t worry, you’re not throwing the others away. You’re simply choosing the top five that feel most central right now.
Sheila Tucker, licensed marriage and family therapist, supervision candidate, and owner of Heart Mind & Soul Counseling, 200 Main Street, Hilton Head Island, (843) 592-3998
sheila@heart-mind-soul.com
How do your values fit with your resolutions?
Once you’ve named your values, can you match them to your resolutions, or create a resolution that’s aligned with them?
Let’s say your values are connection, health, and creativity.
Instead of default resolutions like “Lose 15 pounds” or “Be more productive,” change it to be more specific:
• To lean into your value of health, commit to cooking one nourishing meal two nights a week.
• If connection is your value, plan a monthly phone call or coffee date with a friend.
• To support your value of creativity, spend 20 minutes on a creative hobby two times a week.
These resolutions are specific and doable, and they clearly connect back to what matters most.
When you’re tired or tempted to quit, you can ask, “Which value am I caring for if I take this step?” That question reconnects you to your “why.”
You don’t need a “new you” to have a new year. Instead, try a clearer connection to who you already are and what you truly value.
Before you declare your resolutions, pause. Give yourself a little time to explore your values. When your resolutions and your values are on the same team, you’re no longer forcing yourself into someone else’s vision. You’re building a life that fits.
And that’s the kind of change that lasts longer than January.
