Close your eyes and remember what it was like when you first fell in love. You were constantly plotting ways to spend time with your person. It hardly mattered where you were or what you were doing. You just wanted to be together—holding hands, sharing a meal, kissing, carrying on a conversation—like two magnets drawn together by an unseen force.
What happened to that? If you’ve been married or in a committed relationship for more than a minute, you may have experienced a gradual fizzle in the romance department. And to some degree, this is normal. Life isn’t always chocolates and rose petals or making out on the couch. Sometimes it’s work obligations, children’s needs, health challenges, family crises, and mundane chores. No couple can expect a perpetual honeymoon, but couples who wish to survive and thrive must find ways to infuse their love with the oxygen it needs to at least keep the pilot light lit. That means adding in some fun, some spontaneity, and some intentional communication beyond what’s for supper, what’s on Netflix, or who’s picking up the dry cleaning.
The best way to ensure that our partnerships stay strong is to invest some one-on-one time—to communicate, connect, and remind ourselves why we are together in the first place. If you haven’t been doing this and you feel yourselves drifting apart, a weekly date night is a powerful first step towards restoring the energy and intimacy you once knew.
Why date night matters
According to “The Date Night Opportunity,” a report from the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia, couples who manage to devote time specifically to one another at least once a week are markedly more likely to enjoy high-quality relationships and lower divorce rates, compared to couples who do not devote as much couple time to one another. Couples who spend more time together also report higher levels of communication, sexual satisfaction and commitment, the report finds.
DESIGN YOUR PERFECT DATE NIGHT
Following are a few of my personal suggestions for local date nights. Remember, the most important ingredients are quality couple time, discovery (learning something about or with each other), and connection. As long as those are present, it doesn’t really matter what you do.
For best results, keep the conversation friendly and supportive. It doesn’t have to be small talk, but it’s best to avoid topics of potential conflict. Save the problems and serious stuff for another time. Whatever you do, put the cell phones down. Turn them off if you can. This is your time to focus exclusively on one another, let loose, have some fun, and fall in love all over again.
Dinner out
While it may be the standby and most cliché date night suggestion, there is a reason why dinner out is a standard go-to. Sharing a meal together can be both relaxing and engaging. It’s a chance to dress nice, get out of the house for a couple of hours and converse with one another—catch up and reset—without distraction or interruption. For me, restaurants that have television-free dining rooms are ideal. Couples shouldn’t be competing with sports or the news for each other’s attention. I personally enjoy a place with low lighting (no glaring overheads), candles, white tablecloths, and relaxing background music.
Sea Grass Grille, in Plantation Center on Hilton Head Island is a lovely example and has been our Friday night date place for 18 years. (It helps that the restaurant is less than five minutes from our home.) It’s cozy and quaint with no bustling bar scene or blaring television. The service is friendly without being obtrusive. The food, while not fancy, is consistently fresh and delicious. I almost always go for one of the fresh fish offerings with a sauce of choice, but they also do a delicious filet topped with gorgonzola butter. I’m a big fan of dessert and recommend the Baked Alaska when they have it, mostly because it’s delicious and because you don’t see it often.
Sea Grass Grille is currently under new ownership (we miss you, Kathy and Chad), so some things are changing. But for now, it still feels like home away from home. Find me flirting with my hubby in booth B6 on Friday nights.
The Market Café at Michael Anthony’s is another favorite. The atmosphere is casual, but the food is tasty (think personal pizzas, small-plate pastas, and a to-die-for dessert sampler plate). The culture of the restaurant is one of quality, caring, and kindness as evidenced by the friendly service as well as the overall ambiance and collective attitude. The chef almost always comes out to speak to patrons, which I think is a nice touch.
Other favorites are Sage Room for the quality of the food and exquisite preparation, and OMBRA Cucina Italiana for a more formal, gourmet Italian experience with gracious service and lovely ambiance.
Of course, you can’t beat The Jazz Corner for dinner with live music. Acclaimed one of the “Top 100 Great Jazz Rooms” by Downbeat Magazine, the intimate, elegant atmosphere is the perfect place for a romantic date. Food is delicious and service attentive.
Our newest find on Hilton Head Island that is destined for our date night list is Bowdie’s Chophouse, located on the south end near Publix. What I love about it is the quality of the food and the fact that everything is shareable, including the steaks. My husband and I recently split a 10-oz. filet, which was one of the most tender and tasty cuts of meat I’ve had in a while and cooked to perfection. We shared a salad and a side of fresh creamed corn with jalapeño (so good!) and a dessert. We took half the dessert home as we were plenty full. The service was friendly and efficient, the bill not too outrageous, and the atmosphere pleasant.
We rarely venture to Bluffton, because, well … it’s just too far, LOL! If I were to get an itch to cross the bridge, I would choose The Bluffton Room for my “state of mind” experience.
We do occasionally make the trek to Savannah and sometimes stay overnight. Our all-time favorite there is Elizabeth’s on 37th, a fine dining experience wrapped in Southern hospitality. I adore the setting—an old Southern house with a lovely “step-back-in-time” feel. The food (Southern with a gourmet spin) is absolutely divine (complimentary cheese biscuits and orange marmalade for starters). I frequently order Ginger-Crusted Salmon, which is on the regular menu, always perfectly prepared and artfully presented. But the seasonal and nightly specials are also noteworthy and delicious. My husband, a Savannah native, craves the Spicy Savannah Red Rice and Georgia Shrimp and is also fond of the Double Cut Berkshire Pork Chop. House-made Pecan Almond Tart (with vanilla ice cream and bourbon caramel) tops off the meal for me and makes the drive worthwhile.
Beyond dinner
Live theatre and concerts. Seeing a show or concert together can give you a chance to connect through shared thoughts and emotions. Laugh, sing, dance, make memories. As a bonus, when the show is over, you have a new topic of conversation as you discuss the highlights and takeaways. Check out offerings at the Arts Center of Coastal Carolina, Main Street Youth Theatre, May River Theatre, and Main Stage Community Theatre. Concerts by the Hilton Head Symphony Orchestra and the Hilton Head Choral Society are top-notch. Seasonal outdoor concerts are great for dates, and many area restaurants also engage local musicians to entertain throughout the year.
Comedy/magic. Humor is a wonderful escape for anyone, but especially for couples who need to lighten up and get back in touch with their fun side. Laughter increases the endorphins released in your brain, relaxing muscles and relieving stress. The Hilton Head Comedy Magic Cabaret offers a variety of shows including stage shows and close-up magic. Their tagline is “Funny, not Filthy.” It’s not a kiddie show, but you won’t risk your ears being offended. They serve appetizers, light snacks, desserts, and an array of cocktails—perfect for a casual night out with your main squeeze.
Outdoor dates. What could be more romantic than an evening under the stars on the beach or at one of our area parks? Glorious sunsets and dramatic moonrises provide a backdrop that is most conducive to intimacy. My husband and I like to take a spin on our golf cart, park at our neighborhood beach house for a picnic, and take a leisurely stroll afterward.
Play dates. Who says date night has to be at night? Maybe a play date is in order! Playing together increases bonding, communication, conflict resolution, and relationship satisfaction. Play can also promote spontaneity when life seems routine, serve as a reminder of positive relationship history, and promote intimacy (Baxter, 1992; Lauer & Lauer, 2002, Forms and functions of intimate play in personal relationships. Human Communications Research. 18,336-363).
The Lowcountry offers many options for fun adventures a couple can share during the day and/or at night. Examples include golf, tennis, pickleball, mini-golf, go-karts, bowling, archery, ziplining, fishing, boating, dancing lessons, and much more. (I’m waiting on my husband to retire so we can play.) All you need is time, an open mind, and sense of adventure to create your perfect date.
