Courtney’s Opinion: Taylor or Travis? Or both…plus much more
Barry and I have some catching up to do with y’all (or youz guys, as we would say). Fear not! Even though we have been out of circulation for a bit, we’ve been arguing in the shadows. So, let’s catch up with our most recent text debates, shall we? Are you ready for it?
Taylor or Travis? Why would you even put me in that position, Barry? Both. Taylor and Travis. All. Day. Long. Maybe it was the lackluster lineup of the Hallmark Channel’s Countdown to Christmas movies this past fall, but I was all in on the Tayce/Traylor romance the moment the coin was tossed. I would bet that all true romantics are rooting for this to go all the way to the end zone. When I learned that Taylor grew up on a Christmas tree farm, I realized that this romance is in fact a Hallmark Christmas movie and my heart grew three sizes. I am now officially a “Swiftie,” I listen to Travis’ New Heights podcast weekly, and I’ve actually been caught watching the Kansas City Chiefs play. (OK, I admit, I have also been watching the Eagles, as they are Traylor-adjacent.) It’s a love story, Barry; just say “yes.”
Tater tots or fries? I have no idea how to segue from Taylor and Travis to tater tots or fries, but I’ve got some blank space baby, so I’ll write about my fave. My love for the burgeoning romance may not be eclipsed by my interest in French fries, but I grew up at the Jersey Shore so imagine this: A summer day, sunshine, a salty ocean breeze, soft serve ice cream, and the smell of items frying in grease. Specifically, boardwalk fries–hand-cut French fries that are made to order and served in a paper cup. In New Jersey, they are seasoned with salt at the boardwalk stand, and condiments such as malt vinegar and ketchup are available to season them to your liking. Straight ketchup for me. Vinegar makes them soggy, but I get the allure. Salt and vinegar is an electric combination.
Maggie or Jevon? In a Maggie (our editor) versus Jevon (her C2 sidekick) match-up, I have to go Maggie. Way back in 2009 I sent Maggie a random email suggesting that I should write for this magazine. She didn’t reply. So, when I spotted her in a bar (Corks, Bluffton) a few weeks later, I ambushed her and made my pitch while she unsuccessfully tried to slide past me and out the door. And the rest, as they say, is history. She gave me my first magazine byline and my first (and only) magazine column. The stories I have written for C2 have opened my mind, expanded my knowledge, and connected me to some of the most special people in my circle. Also, Maggie signs my paycheck, so easy answer.
Window or aisle? There is so much to consider here. Is it an early morning flight? Are there two seats or three in the row? Is it a short enough flight where I won’t have to pee? Am I in an exit row? Am I traveling alone? Do I have a tight connection? Am I flying in daylight with a compelling view? Are my legs still short?
I am a “let’s settle in and relax” flyer. I am also a planner, so I have a book I want to devour or a half dozen episodes queued up to watch. Flying is “me time.” So, if I think I am going to sleep on the flight and won’t have to get up midflight to use the lavatory, I want the window. If I am traveling alone and it is a short flight and I don’t want to talk to a stranger (which is my default setting), I want the window. If it is a long or overnight flight, and there are only two seats in the row, and my partner is with me, I want the window. On the aisle, I would stress about the middle or window seat passengers having to get up and the domino effect that creates. Conversely, I don’t want to be the domino, but I know I can control my own bladder but not the guy’s in 11A.
Barry, don’t hate, hate, hate, hate, hate because I am just going to shake, shake, shake, shake, shake it off. #taylorandtravisforever
Barry’s Opinion: Taylor or Travis? Or both…plus much more
Taylor or Travis? Before I begin, no doubt incurring the wrath of the Swifties out there who have somehow edged out North Korea to become the fourth largest army in the world, I want to make one thing clear. I like Taylor Swift’s music. I like the business savvy she’s shown as she’s become one of the most successful musical artists of all time. Hell, I even think she’s pretty funny in those Capital One commercials.
But come on. Do we really need Taylor everywhere?
Earlier this season, she started dating Kansas City Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce. If this is new information to you, be sure to start working on the muscle atrophy slowly–post-coma recovery is no joke.
Immediately the world lost its collective mind, because deep down inside we’re all still in high school. When we see the popular girl and the one jock with a personality finally get together, we start whispering in the hallways and passing notes about it in homeroom. Then we elect her prom queen, or in this case Time Magazine Person of the Year.
And yes, there are people who saw this whole thing as a publicity stunt. After all, she was just launching a tour and a movie. What better way to get some airtime than by showing up in the stands of the defending Super Bowl champions, cheering on their second-most well-known player from his private suite? I’m not saying she did this as a publicity stunt. I’m just saying there are people who see it that way, and they’re probably not entirely wrong.
Don’t get me wrong, I hope their relationship is genuine and I hope they make each other happy. But if they could maybe go see a movie or something for their next date, giving the cameras a few moments out of auditioning for TMZ, we might get to see the actual game for a minute.
Tater tots or fries? I usually try to stay away from nuance, but my opinion on this one requires it. Because while every tater tot is created as equally golden, crisp, and delicious as the next, the mileage on fries varies.
Tots vs. Burger King fries? Tots, all day. Tots vs. Wendy’s fries? That’s really gonna depend on the Wendy’s. Tots vs. Captain Woody’s fries? Not even a contest–it could be the laughter of angels vs. Captain Woody’s fries and the fries would still come out on top.
So, with that all said, tots win on consistency. Crisp, savory consistency.
Maggie or Jevon? Courtney warned me with this one. I believe her exact words were “Maggie signs your checks.” True, and she also gives me awesome disco ball helmets for my wife and me as Christmas presents.
But this is a space for me to speak my truth. And the truth is, while Maggie is awesome, Jevon Daly is a legend. Name me another person who can rock a pair of jorts and a cowboy hat like he does. You can’t.
Window or Aisle? Like many people my size, I often find myself wondering who exactly airplane seats were built for. If I were to picture the ideal airplane passenger, they would be of a height no greater than four feet, preferably with legs that dangle, noodle-like, from their seat.
Which is why I am firmly on Team Aisle. Not out of preference, but out of necessity.
When flying, I usually find myself borrowing a little elbow room from the seat next to me and allowing the remainder of my bulk to spill out into the aisle as needed. Is this annoying to my fellow passengers? Is it a potential tripping hazard for the flight crew? Is this selfish of me? That’s a solid yes on all counts.
But please know that I do not care.
I’m not the bad guy here. Blame the engineers at Oompa Loompa Aeronautics for making the seat too small for me to physically fit in. Sure, it would be nice to look out the window and gaze in wonder at just how much of this great nation is unremarkable to view from above. But when doing so requires me to spend several hours folded in half lengthwise like a human taco, the price of admission is just too high.
And if you think I’m being a selfish passenger for hogging the elbow room, just wait until the jerk in the window seat has to go to the bathroom. Say what you will about the aisle seat, at least when we hit the head, we give the middle seat back some elbow room. For a while.
